You are here

Disobedience to Parents

Q:

Assalamucaicom I am a 17 year old Muslim girl. My parents are in their mid 20-30 years. i wanted to know how i should treat them when they are not old. In Islam the Quran tells us how to treat our old parents but what if our parents is young. And also please answer me this. When i was 15 and 14 i had some arguments with my parents. I didn’t scream at them but tried to explain to them that it was not my fault and that i have not disobeyed them. what happen was that, my dad told me to do something. I did. The next day da come and get angry at me and said i am disobedient girl and never listens to him. He said why you didn’t do what I told you to do and i said i did. But my dad didn’t believe me. and the stupid thing with me is that i don’t have the ability to express myself when i feel like no-one believes me especially my parents, i feel trapped and a bad person and because of that i start crying and can’t control myself. This leads to me not being able to speak properly and instead my voice goes away. And my dad crying is what he HATES the most. he shouts even more and tells me to stop trying to pity myself and embarrassing him but don’t know what to do or how to explain myself. What are the things that i can decide for myself such as food, cloth etc. I allow them to do what they want me to do but sometimes my parents want me to do dieting. I obey them but after a bit of time, they wil tell me to stop and when i stop. Te next day they will get angry and ask me why i stopped and when i say they told me my parents get angry and they a am disobeying them and talking back to them. But now i just want to be passive and simply obey my parents but what should i do as they keep bringing up my past attitude again. And how can i show them that i love them and be grateful to them. Another issue is that i am very clumsy and do so many mistakes per day. but my parents think i do them on purpose and get angry at me. i don’t have problem with them getting angry at me but the issue is taht after a bit of time i will feel like i am the cause of their anger and if i just didn’t do taht i wouldn’t have made them angry And please tell me how can you know that your parents are displeased with your actions or please with you. And can you please define for me what it means to argue with one’s parents and being disobedient. And what is allowed to do or say. And please what i should do exactly the moment m parents get angry and start shouting. I try to stay quite but then the wil ask you question and when i answer it anther comes and when i answer it. I feel lie i am arguing with my parents.

A:

Alaykum Salaam

Islam teaches us to respect the parents, young or old, and this is an important  duty charged by Allah.

This can be challenging and difficult at times, as you have highlighted.

In the end, you are only responsible and accountable to God for your own behaviour and attitude

It appears that there is a breakdown in communication between all of you and issues are only brought up when there is disagreement. At that time anger clouds everyone's judgement.

I would suggest that you make a list of the things that you feel are unfair on you and when an opportunity presents itself (when you are not arguing on a matter), sit down and discuss together the way forward.

There may be a few things that cannot be resolved until you are older and more ndependent, so be patient.

Regards

Abbas Jaffer