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Introducing Love in Our Marriage Again

Q:

Salam i had a question,

I had two online affairs after my marriage and my husband found out about them. It Was mainly because I was looking for care and love at the time. Even though our marriage was arranged i was clear that i needed care and attention and it should always be about us. What was weird and led me to have affairs was the fact that my husband did not put me first in any situation, he didnt say romantic lines like i wanted, he was not who i wanted... Even though now i am only thinking about him and not having any other affairs, he is sincere with me and told me he liked someone else in the past before we got married. What bothers me is that he's always saying to our friends in the gatherings that she wasn't my choice it was arranged and all that kind of stuff. Which turns me down even though its a joke.. Now i dont know where we stand with this marriage we are both sincere but he has two jobs and i work as well because we have to support his family its been three yrs since we got married. There are no sparks, no attractions. We try to care a lot and we do and we both joke around go to dinners and stuff and i also had told him what type of behavior i want from him and so did he for my behavior. But beside that we are not happy atleast i am not. He also says he loves me, but never expresses it never texts me at work never does the little things i like. He says he can easily live without me and cant forget any of my past even though he promised. I have been fulfilling all my duties as a wife ever since. I dont know what to do or how to bring the love back.

A:

Alaykum Salaam

It is clear that you both need to sit with a local marriage counsellor who
can advise you how to strengthen your marriage. Even of your husband is
not inclined to go, you should talk to someone yourself and seek their
advice.

As for your affairs, I am uncertain what online affair entails exactly, I
presume it was not physical relationships? As you know, any such acts are
completely condemned in Islam and should be avoided at all costs.
Moreover, they will not achieve the happiness you seek because they tend
to be artificial and dishonest.

Keep talking to your husband also and communicate your needs to him so
that he understands clearly
your unhappiness with things as they stand.

With prayers for improvement

Abbas Jaffer