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Q:

Assalamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahu wa Barakatuhu! I was divorced women with a child. One and half year ago I have married to a man as a second wife but his wife only knew about it, later on his mother came to know and she was angry to me telling that he has 4 children he doesn’t work on his 40’s his father supports him but time passed she got fine because of his son’s treated to leave the house if he made be divorced. Later things started to change as I’m not new to him he started telling that I knew how was the situation that is was my choice now do whatever you want because I have my family i can’t do anything and share time equally. Although he tryed very much to make equality but it it wasn’t easy because the pressure started being by his mom side and his wife that he doesn't care about his children and that he is spending on me from his father’s money and his father even doesn’t know about it. It brought a lot of conflicts between us too, so we divorced and make up again together but this latest one I asked khula and he accepted. He said he can’t live like this anymore that’s too much pressure on him so I thought it would be fine to me to leave him and I did. Month later he again started telling that he needs me that all happened because he was angry and everything will be fine he want to remmary to me again. On the same time his mom calling me and telling me donot be agree and let him talk to his father first because again he will lie and spending on me not his own money and he can’t be equal to you or you be agree for one day in week he visits you she said. I’m really in confusion I don’t want to be said every time that I’m be supported from his father side and plus if his father gets to know how we dont know, what is his reaction is gonna be, if he says to divorce his son could again change to my side and leave me. But on the same time I’m afraid to lose somebody who is with me and changing husbands as one year pass hurts me alot. Please advise does he have to talk to his father in this case because he is still not working and depends financially on him and his mother’s against our marriage because of it surely affect later to us. He pushes me to do nikah as soon as possible please advise me or it’s just better to leave him and disappear from his life for both of us?

A:

Waalykum salam 

 
Thank you for your Question 
 
It is entirely upon a man to decide for his marriage. He doesn’t need to obtain the permission of his father and or parents.
In this case it will be his choice to marry you or not!
 
Kindly refer to the link below for further understanding: 
 
 
www.sistani.org
The Official Website of the Office of His Eminence Al-Sayyid Ali Al-Husseini Al-Sistani

 

 
Regarding your second Question. The decision is entirely yours! You may want to write down the pros and cons of marrying him. See which one outweighs the other and that shall help you decide. 
 
Make sure you spend a lot of time Speaking to Allah swt, and InshaAllah you shall see guidance and progress 
 
Good luck 
 
Naajiya Jaffery